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Sunday, May 24, 2015

life lately.

this past month has been a whirlwind, to say the very least.  i left off last with the miscarriage….and i am going to just briefly (ha..we will see if i can swing 'briefly') recap the past 2 and a half weeks.

+4 days after my d&c…Parker starts running a fever along with a cough that she had already had for 3 days prior.  take her to the pediatrician and strep and flu are negative.  so it's a 'virus.'
+day 6 of fever for Parker…Grace has now also begun to having fever…so i take them both back to the doctor.  parker = ear infection and given antibiotic prescription.  grace has the 'virus.'
+to keep it 'brief'…8 days after my d&c…i ended up in the ER with severe pain and cramping.  pain to the point of passing out and vomiting.  pain.  i ended up being admitted to the hospital…and before it was all said and done…i had to have a second d&c.  turns out..i had the beginnings of an infection due to retained placental tissue that was not completely removed during my first d&c.  i still have a lot of questions for the 'new' doctor i saw when i was admitted to the hospital that i hope to get answered in the next week or so.
+with all of the doctors' visits and such…nolan just looked too cute trying to listen to his heart with the girls' Doc McStuffins stethoscope.
+snuggles in bed with my babies as i recovered

+lots of rainy days and a little boy who LOVES to be outside but can't (we are thankful for the rain and  the filling of the lakes.  we drove by a part of the lake that has been, literally, dried up for the past couple of years…and she saw that it was now filled…and from the far back seat she yelled, "Momma!!!  The Lord has blessed us!"  yes, indeed, He has.
+when we were expecting our 4th…we had decided to get rid of the office/sewing/school room because …we needed to!  but really…we no longer used the school room anywyas because it was just too confining (more on this later) and i hardly make the time to sew.  long story short…parker now has her own room and is L-O-V-I-N-G it!  well- i guess now they all have their own room.  :)  we still have a ways to go in getting everything in it's place and decorate…but they all seem happy for now.
+long afternoon naps for bub that i am so so very thankful for
+me and my middle little baking cookies during our 'last naptime' just us (since parker is now out of school)

+stomach bug for me.  the WORST stomach bug i have ever had, i believe (and second stomach bug i've had in 6 months, i might add).
+ 3 days later…grace spikes a fever (AGAIN!!!) with a sore throat, tummy ache (no vomiting)..and just pain all over
+i found fraudulent charges on my debit card (thankfully, only 2 transactions and were less than $100 each and have been taken care of…and really 'no harm' done…just the fact that it was done)

+i have actually felt the best today.  i've had the energy to take care of my family (and myself!). we splurged on In-and-Out burger for lunch.
+i made homemade salsa to go along with my dinner.  doing 'extra' things like this are really good for me.  they just make me feel more 'normal' (whatever that is)…and just sort of like i'm continuing to move on and move forward just like everyone else is.
+candy.  no, we did not eat all of this candy.  but we had a special 'movie night' with popcorn and a little dabble of the candies they chose.
+painted canvases for fun.

+late and breaking news: 
geoff is now running a fever and is feeling 'achey'.

i have to tell you….
i am so very tired.  
and i am so worn.

i used to think…ok…we've had our 'bad time'…we will be good for a while.
and now..the other shoe just seems to drop.
i laugh now.  because what else are you to do, but cry?

but here's the thing…

  i am not alone.
and also…things aren't that bad.  they could be so much worse.
and i'm reminded of the hymn

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings name them one by one;
Count your blessings see what God hath done;
Count your blessings, name them one by one;
Count your many blessing, see what God hath done.

and as i've been counting my many blessings today….i have found so much JOY and HOPE.  
because i have so much in Him alone.

and i will be the first to tell you that i do NOT have this whole thing figured out.  
i will tell you that i am a sinner.  i have made so many mistakes in my life that are shameful.
and even still...i sin every single day and fall short of His glory.
and the thing that has been revealed to me more and more and more over this past month is just how much i need my Savior.  i am so thankful for His amazing grace that saved a wretch like me.

my very dear friend, Alissa, shared with me a quote that i have gone back to over and over again:

God is too good to be unkind and He is too wise to be mistaken.  And when we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart. -Charles Spurgeon

and oh how i DO trust His heart!  while these times have been (and are STILL) very trying for me…i am comforted by the fact that this is our temporary home, "…though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.  For our present troubles are small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!  So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18


Jill said...

So sorry for your loss....I do hope you and your family are feeling much better soon! Try to take it easy as mom's it's so hard to slow down and take care of ourselves, but to be there for our loved ones we need to! :-) Wishing you the best!


Viv said...

As always, you all are in our thoughts and prayers! So hoping and praying that next month and next days are brighter! But indeed you are still blessed! Some days it's just so hard for us to remember this. Love you all so much!

Unknown said...

Thank you for this expression of your faith. He is able and He is worthy.
May His blessings be seen around you!


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