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Tuesday, April 9, 2013

april 9th

one year ago today- i miscarried my third pregnancy.

i shared the whole story a couple of weeks after it happened on the blog.

i just went back and read the story and tears just poured from my eyes.  while i have not forgotten what happened....i had forgotten just how deep my hurt, my sadness, and my vulnerability were.

God is good all the time.  And all the time God is good.

so thankful to serve a God that does know the plans for me.  i think that i have my life all figured out at times...and that i know what is best.  but i don't really know a thing!  and how wonderful that He never gives up on me no matter how many times i doubt it.

i don't really think about this miscarriage very often.  but it does float through my mind from time to time.  like at my sonos....the tech will ask "how many times have you been pregnant?" answer: 4.....followed by, "and how many have you delivered?" answer: 2.

a couple of weeks after the miscarriage....i ran into one of our sunday school teachers at church (geoff had told our class and so i had not really seen some people in a few weeks due to my work schedule and not being able to attend church each sunday).  she shared with me how she had miscarried her 2nd pregnancy.  and how it was something that they shared early on with their 2nd child (her 3rd pregnancy) if she had not miscarried that baby.....then there would not have been there second child.  that God had a plan for him.

and here i sit today.  36 weeks pregnant with our third child.  knowing full well that had i not miscarried....then this baby would not be.  realizing that god has a perfect plan for this little life.   just as he had a plan for the one we lost.  it was not in vain.  we grew and learned so much.

i've been trying to put up more verses up in our home.  and it was important to me to put a verse in the nursery.  and this is the one i chose.  it was just the one i kept going back to and love what it says:

"I praise you, O Lord, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:14, 16

i love the whole verse....but i just keep going back to "all the days ordained for me were written before one of them came to be."

how powerful.  not only for the little guy growing in my belly...that God has a plan for him.  but for all of us, too.  how we aren't here by accident.  and how God already knows all of our days to come.  no one is forgotten.

i feel like i've rambled on enough.  not sure where i was intending to go with all of this...i just felt led to write.  but on this day- i'm just feeling so very blessed....and so thankful that God does have a plan for me...and while i had to go through other things (not so fun things) to get where i am was all worth it.  all the while....i'm still trying to remind myself and apply these same principles to my life today.


Viv said...

Brilliant, poignant, amazingly true! Love you sweet niece, so very much!

Unknown said...

Precious post! Such a great view of God's perfect love for us.

Courtney said...

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

I really commend you for sharing your story. We all have one to share and it does no good to keep it all bottled up to ourselves. You bless countless people by being open and real, and you are able to show God's love and work in your life through it. Amazing.

Unknown said...

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I am very happy for this little guy growing along inside!

I miscarried my 2nd pregnancy. We ended up pregnant 3 months later. I love your words and perspective. Thank you for sharing your story!

Natasha said...

I too miscarried a pregnancy. I read your pregnancy/miscarriage post and it felt so similar to what I went through. I took so many tests with that pregnancy because it just didn't feel real. And I started bleeding, had the confirming ultrasound and then the blood work for the next week. Thankfully we got pregnant again quite quickly and I sometimes think of the baby we don't have here on earth, but I am so grateful for our daughter Rachel who would not have been if that baby had survived.


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